tommygpoetry.com
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Funny Poems
| Free Funny Poetry The Dog Cook Poem, Disastrous Christmas Poem, Dog Poems, Doggonit Get Out OF My Way Poem, Brokeback Bananas Poem Funny poems for grown ups and adults. PG-13 Funny Poetry Tommy@tommygpoetry.com |
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| Dogs Make Better Cooks! Your food is blah, just take one look, now move on over, you can't cook! Give me an apron, and pass me a fork. I'll make roast poultry and then some pork. Hand me a skillet and give me that hat! I even know a recipe for barbeque cat. Some canned dog food sliced real nice, neatly laid out on a delicious bed of rice. These human appliances get in my way, just turning on the stove takes me all day, and what do I do with this dumb mitt, not fit for a dog cook, not fit one bit! Written by Tommy Garrison |
| Disastrous Christmas Recession proof Christmas, Bah! My ass! Then why am I here, sifting through trash? Toy shop costs running way too high, Elves went on strike, Reindeer won't fly! Broken busted toys, all fixed with glue. Seems Misfit Island is the north pole too! Prancer got knocked up, Dancer over weight, sled won't even lift off out of the gate! Rudolf's nose? Yes red, but from liquor and booze! Drunk leading reindeer is serious bad news! Now the Mrs. serves me with papers of divorce, gonna take the house, the elves and the Porsche. What am I suppose to do, I am just ol' St Nick? I got it! I'll call Bernake, and get a bailout real quick! Written by Tommy Garrison Author Note: Picture poem contest and I won a Gold Trophy. Kind of a dated poem, wrote it in 2010 if you couldn't tell. |
| Doggonit Get Out Of My Way! Don't you know I'm late for work, now step on the pedal you stupid jerk! Your car is much too slow, it's driving me nuts, I will stay on this damn horn you lame putz! Move your ride and get out of my way! I really don't care what you have to say! I will take off this seat belt and go in a rage, being stuck behind you is worse than a cage. If I get outta my car I'm gonna bite you in the ass, then pull out the lead and make you put it on the gas. Written by Tommy Garrison |
| Brokeback Bananas Banana 1 "This is fun!" Banana 2 "Maybe for you." Banana 1 "Oooohh right there!" Banana 2 "Wait! WHAT? Where??" Banana 1 "Yeah that's IT!" Banana 2 "Oww Oh shit!" This is what I call a brokeback banana split! Written by Tommy Garrison Author Note: This was another picture poem contest and I won gold trophy with this one. lol |
| Baby's Proud Moment Mommy! Look at me! I just went pee pee! I pulled down my diapie and let it all out! What are you runnin' and yellin' all about? I am sure I did all the steps perfectly good. I used the imaginary toliet right where I stood! Written by Tommy Garrison |
| Turkey Day Gobble gobble it's turkey day. Golden brown turkey on a tray. Lets eat turkey every day and night. Huge turkey dinners are a great sight! But you may not think it is so much fun, if you're the turkey at the end of the gun. A turkey might have something else to say. "How would you all like a people day!" People and gravy, mash potatoes and corn! Revenge of the turkey, a turkey's scorn! Good thing turkeys are pretty dumb, cause a people day doesn't sound fun! Written by Tommy Garrison |
| Knuckles' Christmas Story Written by Tommy Garrison My next full color children's book! Free short web story. An epic fable. Help make Knuckles become viral in 2012! Knuckles' Christmas Story |
